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Old Farts Sex Life

What Happened when Anne had an Accident

The Lives of Old Farts
composed by Bobby Baldie

Dinger and Raymond were in a hospital one day complaining about nurse Crozier.  "She's incredibly mixed up," says Raymond. "She does everything absolutely backwards.  Just last week she was told to give me 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours, but instead she gave me 10 milligrams every two hours. I damn near died!"  Dinger said, "that's nothing, last week she was told to give me an enema every 24 hours, instead she tried to give me 24 enemas in an hour, I damn nearly exploded!"  Suddenly the hear this blood curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my god! " exclaimed Dinger. "Fuck, nurse Crozier was just told to prick Fred Crowe's boil!!"

One day...John wanted his bull and a cow to mate; he tried everything but couldn't get the two together.  So he went to get some advice from Graham Greenhill who had the same problem.  Graham told him to put his hand up his cows fanny and then rub it round the bulls nose.  He went back to the farm and tried it out - the bull and the cow were at it non  stop!  He went home wondering if it would work on humans.  That night he rubbed his hand round his wifes fanny and rubbed it in round his face, almost instantaneously he got his biggest ever erection.  Amazed he nudged his wife and said "here look at this"
She replied" have you just woken me up to show me you have a nose bleed?"

Dick Brodie gets re married and takes his new bride on honeymoon.  The caretaker of the fishing resort notices that Dick is spending all his time fishing and none with his new bride.  He asks Dick "why are you spending all day out on the lake fishing when you could be making love to that fine young wench?"
"Well", Dick said, "I would but she has gonorrhea"!
"Wow" says the caretaker, "but there are other things you could do to her".
"I know " says Dick, "but you see she also has diahorrhea"!
"But still, there are other things you could be doing to her" said the caretaker.
"Well she also has pyorrhoea" (gum disease) says Dick!
"Damn Man, why did you marry this bird?"
"Well she also has worms and I love to fish!"

Ginger Cook went to the local chemist and asked for the pharmacist for some Viagra.
The pharmacist said "That's no problem, how many would you like?"
Ginge replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen, but could you cut them into four pieces?"
The pharmacist said "That's to small a dose.  That wont get you through sex."
Ginge said, "Oh that's all right. I'm eighty years old and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

Bunkers Bell at the age of 70 meets a beautiful 17 year old girl, and it's love at first sight.  They get married and go to Florida for thier honeymoon.  When they get back, Ginger Cook says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?"
"Oh, it was beautiful," says bunkers.
"The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we--" Ging interupts him. "A man of your age! How did you make love almost every night?" "Oh," says Bunkers, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday.........."

Echoes of John Easton

1975 Team which beat Crieff to go to the National Leagues?


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